ok but thinking of Gilbert preforming prostitution makes me sad.
He does it most unwillingly. He’s never proud of doing it. He knows they never mean anything important. Nothing good will ever come out of it. He hears it all the time, all around him. The gossip with other noble’s whispering to one another how they ‘did it’ with someone etc. Gilbert’s never prideful of it. He’s disgusted. First times, first kisses, those are all supposed to be important, aren’t they? They were supposed to be precious first-time memories. But nope. He didn’t have that precious first time. People just want something from him & what they want is never anything good or clean. Having sex with strangers for someone else’s pleasure; to get information he needs to be safe. So he isn’t punished when he gets home.
The person he gets with is never considerate. Should he be considerate, then? He probably won’t ever see this person again. Just another person to avoid if they both go to a social gathering. The people he sleeps with, they aren’t considerate so they just give him bruises all over. Hickey’s that show the next day at work, he can’t really hide them well. People probably question it. Sometimes, he’ll skip work just so he can wait for the bruises to heal. He’s not proud like most men are when they get someone in their beds. Good for them. What’s there to be prideful of? How much you made her fake her screams? Congratulations.
Passionate intercourse is just so important to him but at the same time, he’s done this so many times his feelings are sometimes mixed. He feels horrible for even having sex with someone he legitimately loves. It’s gross, it’s disgusting, do you know what he’s done? Where he’s been? The positions he’s been in? He loves someone & just bro he doesn’t care if he has sex tbh. He’s disgusted in himself for having to do disgusting things with complete strangers. People who aren’t considerate to him, just want him for his pretty little face. What next? Probably death for them.
He’s not proud of himself. The things he’s done, God, he’s never proud. Never. He does it to save his ass. He does it because he needs to. He’s never proud of the things he’s done, all the regret.
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